Laurel Gayle

It's been a month. Sometimes I swear I feel fetal movement. Right about now would've been when I would've just started feeling fetal movent (15 weeks). The genetic testing came back last week. It turns out the baby was a girl. She had trisomy 21 (down syndrome). It must've been a severe enough level of down syndrome if she couldn't even survive the pregnancy. Looking back at what happened, I've come to feel relief. Not relief of losing the pregnancy, but relief for the baby, knowing she won't have to live a life with that condition. If the choice had been left to me, I would have had her no matter what, trisomy 21 or not. I would have felt like if she had survived, the choice would have already been made by God for me to have her. Being that she didn't survive, God made that decision as well. I have to trust in God that he has a plan for all of us, and he knew what our lives would have been like... so he took her from us. I have to learn to be ok with that. We named her Laurel Gayle. For Mother's Day, Jon got me two new charms for my pandora bracelet- a jeweled heart cross, and an angel baby girl. I also ordered a rememberance pin from www.october15th.com. A little pair of pink baby feet that I can wear on myself every day. Even though these trinkets are beautiful and precious to me... they can never fill the hole that Laurel left in my heart.