Trying

Last week was a week I'll never forget. Monday we learned that our precious blessing didn't have a heart beat. This was 3 days after an ultrasound showing us a lively baby with arms and legs and a beautiful, steady heart beat. We were not prepared for it. I almost couldn't believe the words coming out of the doctor's mouth, and I couldn't believe what I was seeing on the screen. We were sent to EVMS to confirm it... they didn't have any better news. We were told that the baby had an unlikely chromosomal abnormality and that was not likely to ever happen again. By Friday it was all over.

I don't believe I have ever felt this empty. It's all I can do to get through the day with a smile. It's probably for the best that I go to work, slap on an "I'm ok" face, and concentrate on things that suddenly don't matter at all to keep my mind from dwelling. Things that once consumed my every thought and invaded my dreams at night now seem disgustingly unimportant, and I find myself irritated by even being bothered with them.

I go home and see my other precious blessing, and he brings a true smile to my face. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. He is the true light of my life. And my husband. I couldn't ask for a more wonderful man in my life. He is there for me in ways I couldn't even ask him to be. I am blessed in so many ways. But at the same time, I feel cheated. I had already fallen in love. It was already my child. And it was taken away. I know I'll move on, but I'll never forget my precious one.